I've always found it strange the phrase 'you can't pick your family.' In truth, that's only part true since you can choose your mate who may or may not have kids, or who your sibling or parent marries, etc. But for the most part, you really don't have any choice in your parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins...well you get the point. So then given this, what makes it the case that we are willing to forgive so often the actions of family members that we feel are wrong, or insulting or hurtful, or inconsiderate, or whatever. Why do we give family members a free pass? I know I certainly do.
At work, I'm completely the opposite. If a vendor screws up a project, I don’t use that vendor anymore. Simple.
Yet with my family, I won't utter a peep. I'll let some comment or some action go by and I'll just simmer (or try not to cry). Many a phone call has been made to our mother or one of my best friends to vent so I don't explode from either anger or hurt. Then, no more than a month needs to go by and I've forgotten what was said or done to upset me so much. In fact, I've been reminded of things that happened 6 months earlier and I only have a limited recollection, if any, of what happened. While I can remember with great detail the crappy things any ex-boyfriend did to me 10 years earlier, if it involves my family I wash it from my memory. Why is this? But the most ironic and curious part of all of this is that this blog entry was originally started after something happened that really bothered me. I was really hurt and I had a little crisis of family for a brief second (well, more like nanosecond). And now, more than a month later, I can’t remember why I was so angry. Apparently I have “Familial Short-Term Amnesia”. Yes, it’s a recognized condition. Look it up.
(I’m about to get uncharacteristically mushy – almost sentimental. Brace yourselves...)
Seriously, I wish I had an answer. I suppose it all boils down to one word: family. It's a noun (and sometimes an adjective) that has numerous definitions in the dictionary. Yet, none of the definitions I found truly convey the meaning of family. That simple word really has a greater, much deeper definition that can't be explained with words. My brothers are the world to me; my idols. Their children are my joy. And I have developed an unlimited love for each of my beautiful, sweet sisters-in-law. I would do anything and everything for any of them. No strings attached; with all the love I have. No, you won’t find a definition to explain those feelings. This definition can't be found in the dictionary; it can only be found in the heart.
In writing this, I've realized that trying to truly understand why my family means this much to me is futile. What I do understand, albeit fleetingly, is that I have an overwhelming need to have my family be happy and get along. Do I want this for the sake of my Mom? Likely. She's the same way when it comes to wanting her kids and their spouses and grandchildren to get along. Does that mean that I learned it from her? Definitely. But is this bad? Definitely not; at least I don’t consider it a bad thing. It’s just the way I am.
So, I have to ask myself: "Self? What's the point of all of this?" Well...there really is no point other than to realize that you can't answer the question: why do family's get a free pass? The answer is because. There’s no logic. There’s no quantifiable explanation. Love is just another way of saying family. It just is. Accept it.
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